:) SHIRLEY`S LIFE (:

Freezing

2011-11-03T15:36:00.001+08:00

I'm freezing cold in office browsing through net and doing nothing. I'm so so bored nah! ):

longgggg agoo~

2011-10-29T15:55:00.002+08:00

My lil baby space, have not come here for idk how long already.
Am seriously bored at work today, so decided t blog alil.

Nway, my job was pretty smooth. I've been in this office for like going one month! :D

For my whole 19years of life, this is my longest office job, like I swear! And im enjoying here! :D

Next month onwards, boss might be changing us t 5days job. Woohooo~

Cos Sat at office is really a boredom and we can't adv on newpaper anymore either.

So every Sat, I'll be running round my office, looking at webs, blogs, etc and chatting w my two Js.

So yah, boss have not been coming in for two days either. Muahaha. With him or not makes no diff.

Alright, shall find things and do. Cos Im seriously rotting here~

Buhhhbyeeeee~

Slacking like last time.

2011-09-15T23:54:00.001+08:00

At bro's house slacking. Memories strike back. Wonderful memories. There they are drinking and Herr im blogging cus I'm driving luhs): haha. Bought yusheng for my bro cus he's going overseas and work for like 2months~ so head t Chinatown and bought him his fav yusheng all the way t Teban for him. Imma good sister hor!  ha. Shall go watch show w them lo~

Phone blogging

2011-09-14T03:42:00.001+08:00

Yay~ dl blogger t my phone(:
Think will blog more often, hopefully.

busy bee meee~

2011-09-09T03:57:00.005+08:00

TEK HONG TAI YIM DIAN, HUAT AH!

It's already day 4th of our tua's big day. Ending soon already. (: Tiring for everyone but enjoyed everything, as long as it's w them, it's all worthed. (: Nway, many stuffs keep striking t my mind and make me feel so helpless and can't rest my mind. Reading back my blog and cried suddenly. Idk why either.

Nway, wento my dad stall's that day. And we never even spoke t each other. Oh yes we did. I asked him for money, he gave and I walked t sit down w my back facing him. I could feel that he wanted t talk t me but he just didn't. Im waiting, y'know? And I seriously miss those times. Sigh.. Im really tired of everything. Yew keng today, our lorry had those big speaker and played those old song whereby it's for ahpek(s) t listen. So many memories flashed back. Looking at my sisters all came. Im really happy. But that's for today only. Sitting at lorry, memories flashed back one by one. And I really mean ONE BY ONE. I really felt like crying at that point of time but I know I can't. That feeling just suck maximum and I could do nothing about it.

Daddy, thats how I could call you, here. Do you know I actually miss you right now? I miss how you pampered me like lil'princess when I was young. When I see how well my tua people doted on me. Like my bro, Rong, Gab, Jing and Marcus. When I cried, I called up my bro in the middle of night and woke him up from sleep. He would always tell me, " mei mei dont cry, korkor is here." Or even Jing. Like jus now, I told Gab I wanted t drink soup cos im lazy t walk, Marcus took bag for me cos I complain it's heavy when it's not becus Im just plain lazy. And before gab left the cab, he told me t msg him when I reached home. And whenever Im w them, Im really happy and they're also the only ones I can truly trust. Be it r/s or whatsoever, I dont need and Im serious. Sick and tired of it. Cus they'll never last. Just like how I've been stucked for 5years. Knn, and I swear I MUST NOT fall hard anymore. Though at times I did, they're always here for me. Like a call t them, telling them Im down, they would bring me go drink, accompany me and so. So I know, Im very blissful already. (: Thankyou you guys! NI MEN ZUI BANG! x3

Ahhhhh, I should try t stop thinking so much and rest. Goodie night! Another long day for tomo! :D

fun time~

2011-08-21T14:43:00.002+08:00

Okay, gonna blog if not I will be seeing spiders again~

Went tua yesterday and head t party world w usuals next. Enjoyed overall.

Nway, many things happened and i really dont know how t handle that well anymore. Things are getting outta control as day passes by. I relly dont know how long will I be able t handle but all I know is I'll hang on there. Becuz Im strong enough t do so. (:
Alright, short post will do, am gonna start mapling now! :D

hen men~

2011-07-27T11:22:00.003+08:00

Eating my carrot cake right now at office~ I woke up super late today. Work at 11am. I woke up at 10.30 and cab at 10.57~ Can what. My eyes super sleepy now lorz! :( Wanted t put light make up first but am too lazy plus tired already nah! Hen ke lian hor~ :( Hahah.

Nway, yesterday was really fun w my girls. We even went back t take neoprints which we stopped doing so for 3-4 years. Damn fun talking bout our irritating past. Doing those nonsense in class. And then, Im always in the centre of Ling and Qi. They even remembered I bought my that small bloster t school and hug t sleep. I SERIOUSLY DONT remember that. hahahha! Talked about how we quarrel w my CPA teacher in class till out of class. Walao. Havoc lah! muahahha~ Had chicken rice for dindin like how we used t everyday after school~ :D awwww. There's still so much more lah. Too many t finish=~

Gonna meet my darling mama later w the girls. Gonna have steamboat and kbox. Gonna wake up early tomo. And i really mean, EARLY! 4plus 5am have t wake up loh! This week, I've been sleep 2-4hrs everyday only. You think really enough meh?! And my eyes are closing like no tomo already. I need energy lah~

Looking back my past, Im really blissful lil girl being pampered like princess. By my classmates, by everyone. :) I dont regret everything that happened t me. :D Boss lai liao. BB~

bored~

2011-07-26T17:55:00.002+08:00

At office blogging now~ Did my mani and pedi yesterday w darling! Spent 200+ on my nails only. Shiok me ~ Met Ong at boat quay riverside t chit chat. Really love the sea wind blowing towards my face. Looking at the river. This is life. Really like the feeling at that moment. :) Nway, Thurs is coming, so is the wedding date. I seriously dont know why Im so nervous. Like hello! Im not the bride ley! LOL. Kay, 6pm liao. Go home loh! BYEBYEEEE! Will blog more tomo~ :D

bored die me~

2011-07-22T16:05:00.003+08:00

Currently at office blogging. So you can imagine how bored am I right now, hor?
Dont know why mood was bad like f last few days. A lil thing can annoy me till I blow uo lo~
Okay, shall go watch those uncle aunty show now. Though I really no like new place, but here got tv watch. But then, I rather stay at resource t talk w Agatha & Desmond. Cuz Des will still dabao food for me. Agatha watch SPI webby w me. Here dont have but that square TV~ :(
Shall go find thing do.

Caosss~

hatred.

2011-07-15T15:58:00.002+08:00

I love photos cuz that's the only wonderful thing that stays when everything changed.

Im seriously looking for a job and yet cant find any. Thank you loh. Meeting my darling often cuz Idk where t go already. Sing is really so so small. Nway, walked around vivo th day before yest. And I like the feeling of being alone at times shopping around even though I dint spend a single cent over there, surprisingly. Ohnoo, I did. I went Giant t get some food t cook at home. But not on clothes etc. Good girl me! But yah, walked around myself, realize that time is really running too fast for me t catch up. It's been sucha long time since I gave time t myself, be it just walking around or sitting by seaside doing nothing. I never leave any space/time for myself since I really dont know how long ago. Though I always like accompany, but there are still times I wished t be alone. Thinking and reflecting back all those times again. Im lost. I dont know what that feeling really was. But all I know, I want that moment alone again. It's better t be alone at times t see what I really want in life. I've really wasted my whole 19 years of life. I admit, but nevertheless, I had a fruitful and really unforgettable one. I wanna go picnic soon! I never had those family picnic at all before, nono, I never had family day before let alone family picnic. I wished Im 2 -3years old. Remembered how my dad and mom would bring me out cuz I was young. But then, I knew, its becuz of me. But now, never anymore.

Dad, whats a daddy for? I never had the chance t call you this. Yes I know its me. I never need this chance at all. Ever since, had you done anything t show that you love, care or even an example of a daddy t me? Your mindset was just t give me money t buy all I want, need. And you thought by doing so, I would call you " dad " for once or listen t you. But No. I hated you deep in me for all those shits you did and gave me. But somehow, I know I still treated you as my father. But not anymore when the moment you proved me wrong. Your concern was never for me, your sight of me was gone since I was in sec2 -3. You thought by giving me credit card, cash, money can get all I want. Your mindset of me was treating you as a ATM. I din't. But now, Yes. You're just my portable ATM. Other then money issues, we doesnt have any topics anymore. And I remember vividly, how long did I take t pluck my courage t call you on father's day 2years back. I wanted for you t close your shop and treated you food. I saw you smiling. And that was the first and ever time I celebrated father's day w you. Though just a short meal at coffeeshop, yet you're rushing back t see her. And that was the time when I told myself, " wake up, Shirley. He doesnt needs you. " That was really the first and the last time. Thank you for proving me right each and everytime. Whenever Im in trouble or met any accident, you always thought I was faking it or whatsoever, and asked those nasty stuffs. But do you know, all I want is your conern. But you never did. Till I told you, " even if you were t die, I'd never carry your photo or even wear that square thing on me. " And I really mean it. This is a very harsh sentence and I never thought I did say it out. You made me say this. I should not at all as a daughter. Never should. But Im sorry, my father died since the day I was born. You told me this sentence, yourself. I will never forget. And the scar you left in me. You have 4daughters. But dont forget, IM YOUR ONLY REAL BLOOD DAUGHTER. But you never seems t need me. I've done so much t let you know I wanted you as my father. You never noticed. You made me cried at your stall, remember? That only drop of tear that rolled down my cheeks infront of you, washed everything of US away. If you've noticed, from this incident onwards, I've never step into your stall anymore. I hate t see her, I hated more t even see you. You causes all these today. We never had a chance t sit down and talk properly. NEVER. In this whole 19years, our topic was only money and still money. Nothing else. You never need me. Never. So am I. I've been fatherless for this whole 19years. And Im very used t it. Remember, you're just a ATM t me. And one day you were t stop giving me money, I wont beg you for it either. Either you give or keep it for your women. And, I hate you more than anything.

so long

2011-07-08T14:34:00.004+08:00

It's been idk how long since I last blogged. Blogger dont allow me t sign in at my comp. So here Im using my uncle's comp.

Did some blog hopping and feel like blogging eh!
Life was good but till recently. Life's going downwards which made me feel heartache. I dont want any changes. Becuz I love my current life. :) That incident was still lingering in me though it happened aweek plus ago. It just bothers me and I could eventually cry. I dont mind whtever around me changes. But just not without them. Packing my room just now and saw lots of old photos which flashes through so many memories. Be it good or bad, I know im into those emotionally state soon. And I start t think of that incident, again right now. Looking hard for a job but seriously, Idk why. Whenever Im serious into something, things just dont go my way at all. Very tired, but it seems that I can't slow down myself for everything around me anymore. This is life. I know. Im not trying to avoid, but I need time t adapt. I come off strong t everyone of you, doesnt mean life isnt hitting me hard. Tomorrow is Sat, and I dont know where t go. Why is it so? I never had this feeling before. Never at all, but now. And I started t understand, no one stays w you forever. Someday, they'll still move away and new people comes in. I dont want and I dont need. Everything can change for all they want, but not this. How I wished you'd give a pat on my head and tell me, everything's over and we'll be like before.

On the other hand, a happier note. My darling girl is getting married in 2 weeks time.
Darling, this was really affinity, right? Working at nightlife so long, I've never met any true lil friend whom I can pour some of my sorrows t or share any joyment w. Till I met that picture girl. We started of messaging for drinks and shopping, majong etc.. till now, Im gonna be her bride's maid. Idk is it correct not. But am really happy for when I heard that news y'know. Till now you're getting married. Stay happy okay, you'd sure be the prettiest bride on 28th! :) And Im gonna have the blink-est nails on that day! Muahahah! Let me steal a lil lime light from you kay! "D Love you!

Alright, shall go and continue packing my staffs. And I felt much better ranting it out now! :)

out of energy

2011-04-29T15:32:00.002+08:00

Really tired.

Everything

2011-03-31T02:37:00.015+08:00

Okay, I always say I'd move on and go into my future without turning back, but never once succeed. Was actually on phone w Shihao just now, made me think of alot of my past. It's gonna be a long post. Becos I really feel emotional right now. And all these are words from my heart. No other meaning becos I know Im bad in the past. All these are those whom I felt really sorry. People might think it's stupid t say all these, but remember, you're not me. You've not been through what I've. So shut up. ************************************************************************************ Shawn, though it's been years.. I've never gotten over you. Everynight, I would miss you like usual. Sorry for being sucha immature girl in the past. That cause so much pain t you. Being sucha demanding girlf. I guess, you'll never find another girl like me anymore yeah? You're the one who changed my life totally on the day you left. Im a better person now all becos of you. Otherwise, I really dont know, don't know how will I be like right now. You showered me so much but yet all I did was t demand more. Sorry for everything. Once, someone told me, "I think whenever you spoke about Shawn, you're always smiling and nothing bad about him comes out from your mouth. " It's becos, you're the most perfect guy that I've met in my life. And now, Im placing you in my heart, a one who taught me t be a better girl/girlf. Thankyou. Thank you so much for appearing in my life, torelating my nonsense for that 7months. Now, Im placing you somewhere that is part of my memories. Deep inside that I wont look for you anymore. Bec0s I've seriously think through properly. Move on.(: These few years have been like shit t me. Guessed its karma for treating you like this. I've been wanting t be friend w you, sincerly. But I guess, you hate me inside out for treating you like shit. Dont even wanto be friends w me anymore. But I'll be waiting, waiting for the day we'd be friends, again. But I doubt you'll ever see this anymore. ( just so you know, that call that night was from me. I was drunk and missed you alot, lucky you dint answer. It's all meant to be. ) ***************************************************************************************************************** BoonWee, for the 1year plus, you've been a very good boyf. Though at times I really hate you for being so possessive, but i wanted t say sorry t you still for being so bad/hot tempered. even till the day I left you suddenly, it's all becos I wanted freedom, plus him. Lucky we're still friends though we rarely talk anymore. I wish you all the best. :) ***************************************************************************************************************** Xuanwei, just wanto say sorry. Sorry for toying w your feeling. You're really nice. To actually buy food for me everyday after school/CCA. All the way from Simei till here and back t your Sengkang. Same here, lucky we're still friends(: All the best t you too. (: ***************************************************************************************************************** Shihao, sorry for being sucha not understanding girlf. Remembered that you once bought mac for me all the way from Yishun t icebar and rushed back becos you've things t do but also wanting me not t hunger myself. Rushed down all the way becos I was kind of drunk from a call from my friend. Not bothering you and all I want is t play, stick t my tua brothers and neglecting you/your feelings. Or whenever we are supposed t go somewhere, a phone call from them, I would wanto rush down and meet them. Even if it's just t meet them and slack/do nothing. I would still go. Not contacting you for almost a week till you do so. And I dint know that you're waiting for me t contact you. Really sorry. Thanks for being sucha wonderful boyf. But well, you've got a girlf now and seeing you two happily together, I feel happy for you too. Guessed, you're the only one who is willing t stay in contact w me more than others. Blessing t both of you as well as get a good job soon. (: ***************************************************************************************************************** Pinheng, I guessed I've hurt you the most. Im sorry if you were t see this. I dint mean t hurt you anymore or anything. But just wanting t say, " Sorry " Sorry for everything. You're really caring, pampered me like princess and everything. We had lots of wonderful memories togther, it's enough, right? I left is becos of that reason, plus I guessed it really hit my limit already. And all becos of th second time we got together, it's that part of time that woke me up and left. Sad t say, you din't wanto talk t me much/at all. And thanks for everything you've done for me even though we've ended and at that time, said so much of nasty words t you. Truely sorry. Hopefully we'll be back like before we got together, at icebar, remember? We'd joke and chat happily w gs, kam, they all. I miss all of them. If there's another icebar, I'll work there again, becos I miss everyone there. Still, I hope that you'll get this over soon. Move on and find a better girl. I've read your blog. I know everything, but still, sorry. Glad tha you have a stable job now. Dont make your mom worry already kay. Hopefully we'll talk again. See you on Sat if you come. ***************************************************************************************************************** Dearest boyf, Sorry for today, all those hurtful words and cause you t faint. I dint mean so. Sorry that I always angered you till you faint till your asthma attack back. And you still love me w your everything. And always throw temper whenever I feel like. Never listen t what you've told me and so. Demand like no tomo. And this thing happened today. Whenever Im giving up, you're always the one holding on. Protecting me from every harm. Sorry and thank you! x3 ***************************************************************************************************************** I seriously wanto apologise t all of thses people, especially. As well as all those people whom I've hurt before, though I dint name. I guess you guys know who you are. No other meaning t all those names above. It's just that I dint have the chance/courage t say all these t you guys at that time. Though it's too late now, but at least I've said and felt better. (: ************************************************************************************ Brother NG, you've always been a good/protective/fierce brother t me during these 8-9years. From a lil bad girl till now. You've never scolded me no matter how bad am I. You always talked t me and console me whenever Im down. Thank you for being sucha good and doting brother t me. This bond between us, will never be disappear. You know you're irreplaceable in my heart. No matter what, you always come first and forever will. I'll remember all the times we had. From the day we become sworn brother and sister. You guided me through all good and bad times. 10days also cannot say finish uhh! The best brother I ever had! LOVEYOU!! :D And please ah, stable down. I wanna eat your sharks fin lah! Muahahahahha~ ***************************************************************************************************************** Yurong/Linjing/Gab/Alister, though I only know you guys like 2-3years. You guys meant alot t me y'know? Thanks for being there when Im down or whatever shits that happened t me. I remembered crying like shit and wet almost half of his shirt when I was drunk at nightclub. Though we're like not as close as before, but thank you still. :) You guys meant so much t me. Though I dont say, though I always ask for this and that, you guys kaobei but still will help me do! XIEXIE~ Tek Hong Tai Yim Dian, HUAT AH! x33 ***************************************************************************************************************** I always say that I must change my temper/stubborn-ness this and that but never once succeed or I think it never will. But thanks t you guys who always give in and never demand anything from me. Nobody will ever replace this bunch of brothers in my heart. NEVER! This is the best gift that god had given t me for my whole 19years of life. Always having people by my side supporting me. Though I always complain this and that. I know deep down, Im a very blissful girl. :D ***************************************************************************************************************** PS. Plus Eunice Soh and Nowell Tan, remember! You two are pillars of my life. My bestest friend! x3 My hubby plus bestie! ************************************************************************************ Okay, sibei long post. Shall go and sleep noaz~ Goodnight, Gotta go interview tomo morning, I need t sleep. BUAI~

Changed so much.

2011-03-17T02:57:00.002+08:00

I miss how I spent my 18bday. Everything planned properly for me. I miss everyone w me on that day. I wonder how would it be this year? Becos everything changed, so much.

1st

2011-03-10T18:51:00.002+08:00

If from the start you tell me everything, I dont deny I might get a lil upset, but not angry.
If you were t tell me everything when I asked, I'll get a lil annoy but not blowing up my anger.
You choose not t, so don't blame me for being sucha bitch/slut.
Becos you know Im gonna explode like a volcano, Im gonna roar like a tigress. And I will.

Sometimes, I rather not know anything. I rather be a stupid idiot t be kept in dark.

you, again

2011-03-10T18:47:00.002+08:00

It's you, again. Like a never ending. As long as it's my stuffs, you'll get your ass in.
Used t be like this, I din't pursue and closed one eye. And here again, again.
From the start, I wanted t give 'him' face t forget and try again.
But again and again, all shits repeating for me t see. Not only me can see so.
Blame me, Im insensitive and unreasonable. As long as I know Im not.
I will move further away slowly, I'll drift from you as days passes,
If all these don't come t an end and continue...

lies

2011-03-10T18:46:00.001+08:00

Im not gonna trust you back that easy anymore. You broke this trust not only once..
This time round, it's worst then before. What's worst for next? I'll get myself prepared.

Thank you ah.

changed

2011-03-03T06:13:00.005+08:00

W make up on, w that smile. Just like wearing a mask behind a sad smile.

Okay, I know myself well that Im not leaving this blog of mine. My life changed so much seriously. Imagine a girl, who used t spend money like no tomorrow, no worries at all and cab here and there, doesnt even know how t change MRT lines or even walk out from a MRT platform.

Is in debts on hand, worry about so so many stuffs. And what's worst was taking MRT and buses t everywhere instead of cab!?! Tell me, how much have I suffered?!?! I just want a place t rant all these out, but Im not trying t complain. Because it's just a test for me. And I know I can make it, overcome all these. Becos Imma strong Shirley! :D These bad days will pass fast and my old life will be back soon! I SWEAR~ Though at times I really can't stand w/o cabs. But I can't make myself go broke after cabbing unless Im really tired. Awww. But it's okay! I will pass this obstacles!

YES, I WILL~

why?

2011-03-01T01:33:00.002+08:00

Why is people around me treating me so well? I then realised that I dont deserved all..
Im just stucked again.. How? I really don't know.

years

2011-01-08T17:50:00.002+08:00

It's already 2011. Shall do some proper post today.

Im turning 19 this year. Last year of 1 before I hit 2. Have really gone through alot for these few years. I always tell myself that I must change, change for the better. But I guess I've always failed. I've never change t better but getting worst. My temper have been getting from bad t worst. And have been drinking more and more. Though I always say that it's time t quit drinking, but I did not! :( And now, I even start smoking. How bad? Yes, environment is one thing but it's me who allowed the environment t change me. Wtf. Thinking back, have been in drinking line for going 3years. Is this really what I wanted, always? Have t entertain those irritating customers everyday. Though some are really nice. I've yet set a goal for myself. And I think I should already have one long ago. So many things happened. I've always been stucked at the same place for fugging 4 going to 5 years. It's always you. Nobody else. I've always been trying hard t get you away from me. But it's really hard. Though I'll miss you at times, but I know it's all over. Nothing else, no feeling, just that your impact is really big. Sometimes, I really wished that you should not have treated me so well. But well, it's all fated long ago I guess. And now, Im leaving this blog already. Though I've deleted all our memories in here because I know I won't stop reading back, and wished that I could forget everything about you and start afresh. And today, Im really ready t leave this blog, stop posting here anymore. Leaving everything behind me and move forward for every challenges that are awaiting for me. It's time t really treasure everything and everyone around me before all are gone and regretting like a silly. I've totally accept the fact that you're gone. :) Like a so finally. I'll shift t another blog or rather, stop blogging from now. And one thing for sure, this is going t be the last post that will be inked here. :)

Just hoped that everything will be better and now again, same old thing. Im a very happy and blissful girl now, so, im starting t worry everything will come t an end soon. But what I want is t be really happy, nothing else. It's been so long, so so long since I really smile from the bottom of my heart. And Im waiting for the day t come back whereby I will be truely happy.

Shirley Tan, you've always been pampared very well. Time t be independent! :)
Goodbye!

so long

2011-01-06T18:19:00.001+08:00

It's been so long since I've updated my blog.. I see spiders around and I bet no one is here anymore.
Okay, time really flies. It's 2011 already. I need t set new goals for myself and stop behaving like the past.

take care please

2010-12-06T18:51:00.001+08:00

Please take good care of yourself. If you see this, remember, you must pass tomo. And I'll pass too. So we'll go celebrate together.

W them without you.

2010-12-05T07:57:00.002+08:00

Nothing can actually explain how I felt all along. We used t meet them together.. But yet now, I always see them without you. Chatted w them made me felt like it's all the same, but there's still this empty feeling in me, which is without you w me together w them anymore. Whenever they mentioned about you, my tears always wanted t rush out. And I've got t use so much effort t stop them. Prevent them from being shown t others. I really couldn't control my tears when SY told me that sentence. Yes, I understand that they like t disturb and so. I used t be able t take jokes every now and then. But why is it that, I dont really can take this joke this time? If thats really what you think, I've t accept the fact that you really do not understand me.

fml

2010-12-02T17:53:00.000+08:00

I know it's better this way.

you left.

2010-11-29T02:00:00.002+08:00

Like a finally, I then know how much you don't understand me at all. By asking all the questions, I then finally know, you don't, AT ALL. Forget it. Seriously. You are not me. You don't know how terrible this feeling in me are. Falling sick again and my whole mind is just you. And i seriously dont know, why on earth did I cry when the moment I woke up and the questions you asked flash across my mind.

And I really realised, Im alone afterall. Though I can't take this anymore. But I still have t.
Everyday, when I stepped out of my house even t meet even my bros, I have t wear on my make up, my clothings, my shoes and even a mask. Why is all these happening t me? Everyone thought that Im leading a very happy life and so on... But who knows, Im really feeling very terrible all these while.. I've never been happy for very long already! Though I always smile, laugh and whatsoever, but... FORGET IT. I've never been like this for very long already. Really hate it but ... THIS IS LIFE.

2010-11-26T08:08:00.001+08:00

Whenever you missed how i always cared for you, whenever you remember the love we once shared and held on to, when you think back of all the times i was there for you, just remember; i never left. i was always here. it was you that never held on to us in the first place.

Changed

2010-11-26T02:29:00.004+08:00

Its been weeks. And all these while, Im not really enjoying my life as though I looked like.
I've got so many things t put in front of myself and problems are rising instead of decreasing.
Anyway, gotta start saving money like real soon. I can't be like the past anymore..
Spending like there's no tomorrow. I've grown up. I can't just take money from father anymore.
I mean Im old enough t work for myself and my mom. Though I hate what is it now.
But I've t adapt t the situation. Nobody or the environment will give in t me like how my family,
or any other people will. This sucks but I've t face this cruel fact of life.
Though yes, there're still so many people who are willing t shower me w love care and concern,
I've people treating me like a princess and pamper me like the past and how my family does.
But I know it down deeply in my heart that all these won't last long either.
Because people come and go. Even your best one. They don't have t stay w you forever either.
As I grow, I've learnt how t protect myself and refrain myself from sinking too deep for anything.
Because life will never be kind t you. Yes they will at times, but NEVER for long. This is the FACT.
Even, you might need t give up something or even someone you love. Doesn't mean you want, but have t.
What's the point of keeping them and suffer w you whereby there isn't a need t drag someone down w you?
My life have seriously changed alot. But I will be strong t face all these by myself. Afterall, its always like this.
I've always been putting up this strong front t face everyone out there in this society.
Im always myself when Im alone or should I say, I can only be myself when Im all alone? :)

Yes, I've recieved your message. I guessed, I won't be turnning back. Im seriously afraid. Because so what you can promise me now but yet things happen again in future. I really had enough. I've already told you, don't let me stop quarrelling w you. Because that will be the time that Im really tired of every single thing. Y'know whenever we quarrel, I will be really angry and talk back at you or whatever shit. But only till the day I stopped doing so will really be the day that I give up totally on you. Yes we got back. But I guessed you didn't realised that I've not been talking back or even do anything when you get pissed off over a very small stuff. You did not take my words t heart. Or I should say that, you treat what I've said as bullshit or just moment of anger. But Im not. I've repeat that for 3 times already t you. But you didn't even bother t take notice but getting worst. Like the latest one, when we're bowling. Just because I said I shall take a picture of your score and mine t post in fb and show everyone that you're lousy in a JOKING manner, and here you are getting angry w me over this small stuff and can don't even bother t talk t me at all. Even when I made the effort t try and start a conversation w you, all I've got is just a very cold tone or just answer for the sake of answering back. At that point of time, Im already trying t make a decision. Im trying so hard, hoping t see you talking back t me in a better tone or stop that nonsense. But you DID NOT. That is also the point of time, you are telling my heart t GIVE UP and STOP TRYING. That's why, I just got up the cab and leave. Because I really lost hope on you and give up trying. I SEE NO POINT ALREADY. And for that 2 weeks of patching back, you've been like this. Just a tiny stuff and there I go, getting your attitude. Yes, I've attitude problem but did I get angry w you over such small stuffs? These 2-3weeks without you, I've t admit that I do miss you and not yet very use t not having you by my side every now and then. But on the other hand, I felt more comfortable because I don't have t be afraid of getting cold attitude or might quarrel over tiny lil stuffs. Or worry about which guy talked t me and you over here getting angry and suspicious over me. And made me felt so stressful talking t anyone at that time. Mind you, I've got my own friends as well. EVERYBODY need friends. So does you. And for now, you're still the same, asking all the same questions like the past that i hate it so much. Pouring questions over me like the past. And get the fact right that the situation of us now is totally different from the past. So you kept telling me you've changed, where is it? Attitude only? And the rest are supposed t be like this? And worst still, you pick up smoking, AGAIN. And this is the thing that I hated MOST from you and you're doing it, again. Then come telling me you've changed t a better CPH? I've told you, I've eyes t see and a heart t feel. But you yourself have crushed this heart of mine, YOURSELF. You're the one trying t make my heart die when Im trying so heart t let it stay alive at that time. So, don't come telling me that Im heartless or whatsoever bullshit. Im really afraid of everything and very tired of it. Let me have a break, seriously. I need this break so badly. Frankly speaking, I doesnt really like this situation now but Im trying t. I need a shoulder t rely on as well. But I guessed, I can only rely on myself afterall. Sad t say, you really don't understand me at all.. Seriously. So for now, Im going t concentrate myself all on work and nothing else. I've got this task of my mom on hand for me t be busy w and I seriously can't have time for other shitty stuffs already. So I rather stay this way. At least, I have a one lesser thing t worry about. For the time being, I really want it like this now. Because time is really running out for me...

2010-11-23T20:46:00.000+08:00

Really wanto rest for awhile.. But why can't I ?

2010-11-18T10:22:00.003+08:00

At times, I just can't bring myself t see you like this.
At times, I just can't control myself but t start showing you concern.

But, I'll keep it all by myself. And I'll show you the way you dislike me t be.
Im sorry, I said I wanted t help you move on. I'll keep my promise t do so.

more t come..

2010-11-14T05:14:00.002+08:00

When I was just about t turn back t you, I happened t know somethings' again.
And made me felt so .... I can't explain this feeling. I guessed there are more t come...
And I really wonder, how many things had I been hidden from? Like a fool and clown, nothing else.

sick like idiot

2010-11-12T03:11:00.003+08:00

Finally, Im dead beat. I can keep no time for myself. No space t rest myself t think of you.
Then, down w high fever w bad flu. I regretted it. Because I felt worst. Because I think of you more.
Because you used t be by my side taking care of me but not today. Am really so not used t it.
But I know, I've t face the reality that you're gone. :')

I really can't

2010-11-11T16:06:00.001+08:00

I can't smile at all. I guessed, Im all alone after losing this battle.
I din't mean so. But well, I guessed you are tired of me already, too.

Metoo.

2010-11-11T02:40:00.004+08:00

If you realised, Im also holding back, secretly..
If you realised all these, you won't do so.. I wanto keep it all.
Just because they are here w me t make me feel that you're still here.
Afterall, I've realised all the things you said are also fake. :)
Why say wait when you are not able t do so? Made me do a lil promise t myself.
And now, make myself fall again. But it's alright. I'll stand up myself.
You broke my heart today too.. TOTALLY.
And only till today then I can't lie t myself anymore... That you really dont understand me at all. :')
The reason why I dont wanto shake hand w you, you dont get it.
The reason why I dont wanto return all things t you, you dont get it.
And you really really dont.

There're so many things inside me that I wanted t tell you but I really can't anymore.
I thought there's a chance, but not anymore. Forget it then.
I'll always put up this strong front, just because of you. :)

And I swear t myself, I will not fall because of anyone anymore. And I make sure I'll make every of you, suffer!
Why is it so? Why are there so many things hitting me at a same time?
This time, I really wish you all the best. Though, I____YOU.

part and parcel

2010-11-08T10:37:00.003+08:00

If you know how much pain Im suffering when Im doing this t you...
If you know I need alot of courage t talk t you like this...
I feel pain doing so t you as well. But, I need you t forget me so you wont be so painful everyday.
Im truely sorry for all these, I really dont wanto but I have t.
Yes, I'll continue doing so till you forget about me.. Sorry..
But if you realised, your words hurt me so much as well without you knowing...
You suffered pain when you heard my words, I felt pain too when Im saying all these t you.
Just want you t get a better girlf yourself.. Get on with your life without me.
Everywhere I go, I'll think of you as well. And I've t hold back my tears everytime till I reach home.
You seems t see me enjoying myself everyday, but if you know, Im trying t tire myself out...
So I wont have time t think about my days without you. I just wanto use up all my energy...
I can't have time on my own, totally can't.

There are so many words I wanted t tell you, but I really can't do so anymore. Because it will hurt you more...

2010-11-07T03:02:00.001+08:00

Trust me, though this is a very hurtful decision. But it will be good t both of us. Someday you'll understand.
I want it, doesn't mean I'll show it. And just take it as, I've changed. I'll be the bad person this time round.

you'll never know

2010-11-04T07:23:00.004+08:00

If only you really understand me, you won't think that way.

If you know how much had I suffered..

If you know how much had I gave out..

If you know I did really put in effort t change for the better..

If you know I've been sleeping w your blanket w me everynight..

If you know I can hardly smile at all..

If you know how hard I've been trying t lie t everyone that Im alright espcially, you.

But you don't at all. Instead, you thought that Im perfectly fine.

& this is the worst part that hurts me, MOST.

changes

2010-10-27T11:57:00.002+08:00

Office work really dont suits me at all. :( Because I just cant stick my butt t the chair for 8hrs everyday.

I need t walk here and there t find something else that will keep me away. And nowwwwww,

I really dont know if I should or not continue this job. How fuck? Perhaps hubby is coming over t accompany

me and work, I think it'll be better for me because I've got company w me. Argh. Life sucks ttmx.

And im fucking bored at home cos I skipped work today. So how, you guys can tell me?

Nway, I've just sign up for twitter and Im a fucking noob of this. Pardon me. And thanks t hubby soh again,

for helping me w this and that. :) Nway, POWERHOUSE for halloween this Sat. Muahahhaha~

It's been so long since I last club. And I've got no idea what t wear as well already. Im a rust t club noaz~ :(

2010-10-20T15:18:00.001+08:00

How could you take away, take away my only request? The only request is just t keep our memories...

like a idiot now.

2010-10-20T13:39:00.003+08:00

Everything ended just like a movie.. It really takes time t build love, trust and everything.. Indeed, just a min t destroy everything. I admit that I've turned cold t you. But don't I feel pain doing so? I tried so hard, wanting t find back the CPH that really dote me alot, that will never give me attitude over small stuffs.. But it seems that he've long gone. I've been trying my very best t save back this. This time, I really used up all my energy on finding him back..

Im so not used of being alone at home right now.
Im so not used of not able t see you everyday.
Im so not used of so many many more stuffs... So what?
But at least, I've my blue blanket w me everynight. Just t let me feel that you're still around.

Im reading through every single letter,
Im looking through all the photos we took,
Im fliping through all our memories.
And I just couldn't stop crying.

FML.

Have you?

2010-10-16T13:41:00.004+08:00

Have you actually see how much efforts have I put in these few days just t get us back on track?
Have you actually see how much have I suffered for the past few days because of your words?
Have you actually see how have I tried t change just because I wanto save back this relationship?

But it seems like you are the one who doesn't needs me at all.
It seems like you're perfectly fine w/o me although you said you need me so much.
It seems like my present t you is so annoying.

Tell me what should I do when you don't even bother t listen t my anymore.
Tell me where is my old CPH?

You really dont

2010-10-13T21:55:00.002+08:00

You still dont understand a single bit at all. Forget it then.

I DONT KNOW!

2010-10-13T20:22:00.005+08:00

You always promised me w your words but it doesn't comes w actions. How great.

When I said I don't care you said I dont give a damn.
When I bothered, you said I controlled your freedom.
So tell me, what do you exactly want from me?

When I tell you what I want, you said I want the whole world t give in t me.
When I kept quiet and let you do what you want, you said Im throwing temper.
So tell me what exactly do you need from me?

When I walked away, you asked how can I leave you alone and walk away & will worry if Im alone.
When you walked away, you don't owe me reason I don't see that you'll worry leaving me alone.
So what exactly is the truth from your heart?

For this last few weeks, you're totally a different CPH from what I knew.
And I've told you before, till the day I stopped all those quarrels w you is the day I stopped all my concern t you.
You don't appreciate my concern, don't worry. I will stop being a kpo in your eyes. Ehhh nope.
Im never a kpo in your eyes but rather a slut right? It's okay. :)
Since you don't appreciate and wants t quarrel w me because I stopped you from smoking.
And give me tons of reason when I stopped, then don't ask me why I stopped all my caring t you.
You are the one who gave me a signal t stop doing so. And Im prepared that you'll come pointing finger
at me saying I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO GIVE IN TO ME. Nope. I don't need at all.
Especially from your BROTHERS okay. Because I can't even hold a candle in your heart compare t them.
No worries, I know where I stand from now. I make sure I will keep quiet from now.
So don't come and try t quarrel w me and say Im giving attitute when I keep quiet kay. Is all what you WANT. And Im doing what you wants me t do so to you.
SO ARE YOU HAPPY ENOUGH? If no, then find someone who can fulfill all these t you.
The last sentence is what I've learnt from you for the past few days kay. ")

no longer you.

2010-10-11T15:37:00.004+08:00

I really wished I could smile again.

Why can't Ifind myself smiling happily from the bottom of my heart anymore?

Where is my CPH? I can't seems t find him near me anymore.

In this rs, you have no trust in me at all. So what's the point of everything?

Im really sick and tired and might collapsed anytime. So running out of energy.

I've always been the one w strong surface and because of this, Im always the bad one.

How about me crying hard alone in the night hugging my pillows? Where were you then?

I felt so stupid now for making so many calls t you and no answer at all.

Whenever I gave in, you will never give a damn, and when I dont, you would say I NEVER.

Trust me, I'll never be the one giving in anymore and I SWEAR.

All I wished t do now is t cancel all my leave and get back t work instead of doing nothing now.

It's just making me worst and Im dying to find things t keep me occupy.

Trust me, I'll never place you in my piority anymore from now. If only you have th ability t change me.

I really dont see why I can't chat w my guy friends whereby you could go thai disco w friends.

I really dont see why my pure chatting and joking w a guy friend is called flirt.

And now I know in your eyes, Im just a bitch/slut and nothing else.

You proved to me so much as day passes...

Thank you very much then.

updatingggg

2010-10-06T16:06:00.002+08:00

Muahahhaha. Finally Im updating my this blog of mine. Nway, My life sucks now. And it's TTMX!

Because everyday I wake up at 8AM and off work at nearly 8PM. WTF?~ But nehmind.

I love this job alot alot. :) Okay, I shall go and do some admin for my work already. Byeee!

And I seriously have no idea when will be the next update. Sharks~

Giving up.

2010-09-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

I can't continue that it's nothing at all anymore.
I can't continue walking on this path and pretend that nothing took place.
I can't continue t fake this smile on me at public places.
I can't continue t take all these blows from you anymore.
I can't find a reason t fight for us anymore ...

You made me cried so hard in the public. This was the second time I guessed that you made me cried in the public. And yet you totally ignore me and gave me those attitudes. That was the part where I told myself t stop caring about you. Allowing you t do anything you want, the FREEDOM you want. So, please give me the FREEDOM that I deserved from you. You said I din't give you freedom, freedom t SMOKE?! lol. Then go ahead. I've told you yesterday, smoke as many as possible. That's gonna be your problem. I won't give a damm about you smoking, so I respect you, why ain't you respecting my choice as well. You told me is give and take, why din't I see it? Don't just use your mouth and talk. Without actions, all are bullshitz. Tell me how many sticks have you smoked these 2 days? And mind you, you've BROKE YOUR PROMISE. So why should I still be the good girl and keep t my promises that I've made? Yah, you said you wanto be back t the old CPH. I think just back t your beloved cigg, not the one who doted me so much in the past. And now, I shall be back t the old SHIRLEYTAN where I can fuck care my boyf and do whatever I like. You told me you always say you wanto be back but you din't and you'll prove it t me, and yes you did, for smoking. Yah, and I too, always said that I will be back t the old SHIRLEY but I din't. But now, I will. So don't tell me I've gone from bad t worst. Is you made me change from good t the old bad.
And the good news is, you successfully made me cried for 4 solid days. When I don't you said that I don't care for our relationship, but do you know how much effort had I made t show that Im strong enough and always be the one who console you instead of you telling me everything's over. Don't cry. You only think that you're the ONlY ONE suffering and I am not even bothered. And you still have the cheek t tell me that you understand me well?

JOKE THEN.

My full time happy pills.

time's so short

2010-09-22T09:29:00.002+08:00

I've been seriously blogging lesser and lesser already. And im at office now rotting and waiting for my maggie mee to be cooked. And I'll be on leave for tomorrow and the day after. YaY! Nway, I shall go and eat my mee already. Love you, readers~

Another 2 more days t my boy's birdday~ x3

it's been so long..

2010-09-19T18:00:00.002+08:00

It's gonna be mooncake festival again soon, Last year, I spent it at my tua w my beloved ones. And this year, it's seems like seriously bored. Nway, Big day is ending soon, it's last day today. And I'll be free-er from now, dont have t rush down t big day after work. It's fucking tiring lorz. Plus Im going t attend my cousin's wedding and rush down t big day again. And tomo, I needa go work. wtf. And my throat hurts like a idiot now and I think Im going t get MC tomo already. Shit me. Nway, went BB yesterday and saw LC lion dance's people as well. Dint drink much or enjoy much cos im seriousy tired like a idiot. :( Alright shall go and make up now. Byeeeee.

Office naoz! :(

2010-09-13T13:50:00.002+08:00

Okay Im currently at office now and it's been black out for more then 10 times since i came till now.
nnb, why not just let us go off instead of keeping us in this stuffy office without air-con? :( knn.
Plus also can't make phone calls because there'll be no voice recorder. NB. Still have t rush t dua lit ji later after my work and im fugging lack of sleep yesterday, my eyes can just shut down on me anytime sial. nnb. FML! But it's alright, I've got 2 sales today already. 4 more t go. Good luck t me people.! :D

XOXO

Knn, bored.

2010-09-13T02:20:00.002+08:00

Doesn't mean that I'll stop loving you if there's someone else who loves me. Because what matter most is in me, not you and him. Why got angry of someone else who will never bring any affect to us?

Action speaks louder then words.

2010-09-05T14:41:00.002+08:00

( If you have the cheek to say, why aint you doing so? And all the words you've said, doesn't match your actions at all, AT ALL. )

Nway, it's a sunday! I thought I should be doing my shopping(s) happily and not rot at home, but yet im rotting at home noaz! Shen Mo LJ sial. hahah! But it's alright. Nway, I ended work at fugging 4.30pm instead of 3pm sial. Fuck that last min of briefing/meeting. Okay, I think Im slowly getting myself used to this morning work life already. Thats good! :D And I've did 1sale yesterday, but t be exact is 3 or 4. But it's alright, my first calling w first step what! :D I will be the top selling by oct & that's my target for myself. Nway, now it's left w Ong that have yet pass this training. Hopefully she does tomo! :( Will be blogging lesser and lesser becos Im always very tired after work and will start t use my com lesser and lesser already. But afterall, I din't regret for this job at all! :D And I guessed I really need to do some catching up w my dearest bestie, my hubby soh, my Ven girl and Qi liaoz. Shall meet you guys up very soon! Esp with my bestie lah! :D MISS YOU GUYS!

TIRED LAH NB~

2010-09-02T00:00:00.005+08:00

Piang, I thought that office work wont be that tired. But hell no, knn. Im really so freaking tired everyday~ Perhaps, Im still getting used t it for now, cos it's only like 3 days of it. But I'll preserver~ So yah, projects are giving me headaches. Shen Mo Sial. And I have t wake up @ 8am every single day without fail. And got seriously lazier t make up t work but getting clothes was the worst of ever. It can takes up 1hr plus of time for me t get changed. ( Satisfy me ) Alright, tomo Im gonna work till like 7pm and the worst past doesnt end here. I still have t head down t C.C booth fair aftermath. Sian not you tell me. But on the brighter side, I really gain alot of knowledge of banking. SERIOUSLY LOTS~ Though I always look at my watch for time t knock off but I have fun too at working. :D I LIKEE~ Though I have t make vaires of phone calls per day and close like at least 7 - 10 deal per day, tell you. One word, CHALLENGING~ :D Shall turn in early for the night and fight foir tomorrow! And Im going t rant after this paragraph. Sp pardon me. :)

Have anyone got betrayed by someone whom you really can trust w no guarding? But yet, again and again, they'll take your trust for granted. Sabotage relationships from you and others. Lie t you again and again, and made you got mis-understood for no fucking reason and you eventually still thought that they're trying t help you out and solve for you. Someone whom you shared unhappiness and gives you advices and lend you a shoulder t lean on. But all turns out t be so fake that all these are materials and ways t pull you down. I always closed one eye and tries t forget about all these shit that YOU thinks that i dont even know a single shitz of all these. But by keeping quiet doesnt mean that i dont know anything. So it means that you've been treating me as a fool instead of friend? I bet so. After keeping quiet for 4-5 months, you've gone from bad t worst. Seriously, have you reflect on your own doings? I've decided not t keep quiet anymore. You can turn your back on me. You might start t spread rumos about me, dont think Idk your style, btw. I dont mind, becos I cant tape your mouth or shut other's ears. But time will prove everything. You know Im not gonna keep quiet like before and I believe you and me are preparing for the day of explosion of all the truth. Just the matter of time only. Not becos I wanto pull you down, but for all those hidden reason for all these. Becos after sucha long time of thinking and reflections, I dont think I DESERVED EVERY SINGLE SHIT THAT YOU DID T ME. You may hate and blame me for doing so, I dont care. You know me well, I believe. And try standing in my shoe and think for me. If it's you, will you handle like how I did? By keeping quiet all the way and see you changing from bad t worst. I know you'll read my blog. And this is for you. I dont state name but you yourself knows it clearly, who you are. You may come and confront me, be it infront of everyone or just two of us, perhaps three or four or even five, anything. I dont mind. And Im waiting for you t make the first move. If I does, it's becos I think I've given you enough time t approach me for this. And I dont like all these shit of delly dally. You're short-tempered, y'know, Im a impatient person too. You can pretend alright like nothing happened, me too. But not for long. Becos you're clever enough t know why am I stepping backwards for this. These few days, I do rewind back t times when we ______ together. Believe it or not, I treasure our friendship, becos we are ____ ___.

Tired lah~

2010-08-31T21:18:00.002+08:00

2nd day of my office working life. Kind of tired but fun. (:
Nway, Im really tired lah. Still not very used t it but it's okay, I'll try t adapt. :)
Quarrels again. WTF like seriously.

Long lo...

2010-08-26T23:20:00.003+08:00

I've been blogging like lesser and lesser lately. Cos I've seriously lost motivation for blogging already :(

Tada, a lil piece of good news! Tomo Imma going for interview liaoz le. :) Dont really know how t xplain.

Is like helping people t apply credit cards and so. Admin lah! Ha, hopefully can pass th interview.

The pay was like power only. 2k per month. Thats why I dont pin high hopes on it either.

Applying becos it's just nearby my house, so shall try my luck. Wish me luck, readers.! :)

Nway, mom cooked prawn noodle for me yesterday. Happy girl me! :D Shall sleep early if not, I will be late tomo! Im so hungry noaz. But I MUST NOT EAT! :(

PS * Idk what's happening t my formspring. I cant login, so wont be replying that fast.

x3

2010-08-18T19:20:00.002+08:00

Went Jiatok yesterday. Dint get t eat my shark's fin, SADD! muahahhahah!
Nway, before that went for my BTT, and I PASSED! I was like a idoit smiling at my comp that time.
And called my boy telling him this good news! :D Then ong came and looked for me.
Went t settle my uncle's stuffs and head t cck for kbox. Called hubby and she's there tooo!
But too bad we dint meet at all. :( MISS MY HUBBY SOH LAH! hahahahah. After kbox, head t newyork2
for my favourite mushroom soup. As yummy as ever lah! :) Then cabbed t gim moh for jiatok liaoz.
kay, my bro left and i dont even know at all. LOL. So bb aftermath. Home-d straight after that.
Chatted w my stupiak boy and now im waiting for him t reach only! :D

XOXO

LOVEYOUUU~

2010-08-15T08:56:00.003+08:00

I MISS MY DEARIE NOWW~ Gonna see him real sooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Nway, 2more days t my BTT, hopefully i pass for the first time. Cos i waited for nnb de nearly 3 months.
NIGHTS PEOPLE~

Part and parcel.

2010-08-12T00:06:00.001+08:00

My mom's uncle just passed away. Have been busy w funeral recently and tomo is the last day already.
I dont know why, Im feeling very scared now...

BTH

2010-08-05T08:32:00.004+08:00

Im coming soon for all these, again. For the one whole month, not getting sick and tired. :)

Esp for the first picture. Muahahahha! Alright, D actually woke me up accidentally when he's going off.

And now i cant fall back t sleep at all and idk why either. Nb. I think I shall call him soon.

Becos is him who woke me up from my sleep one! Nway, dont read dont if you think it's fugging long.

Cos im going t rant here for all those anger and whatever shitz you can call! But im really ANGRY!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitch/Bastard/Fucker or whatever you can call. But dont think you deserve these names or even shitz, cos at least shit can be used as fertilizer.

Have you guys ever come across a friend whom you've know for 4years will ever do this t you?

Befriend w you and you think he/she's friendly.
Care and concern bout you when you're down.
Calling you t meet up for lunch or dinner when you end school or bored at home.
Invite you over t his/her place for overnights.
Buy you things that used up his/her pocket money just t make you happy.
Borrow money from you when broke and takes a longggg time t return. * Just a $5 *

But actually when you thought that he/she's that good, you'll realised ...

Becos he/she actually have got no friends, nobody wanna befriend w him/her.
Becos he/she just wanna poke into your business and kpo more t gossip w it.
Becos nobody eats w him/her and im the one paying afterall.
Becos he/she cant sleep that night and needs a listening ear.
Becos he/she knows i'll get something better for him/her. And expensive is he/she claims so.
Becos he/she treats me as a ATM and prolly after a period I'll forget and dont need t return.

So this is whom I thought was my good friend when everything turns out t have meanings behind. Have you ever come across a friend who wants t tell you his/her secret him/herself willingly becos he/she have got noone t turn t and wants you t swear that you'll choke when you eat, involve in car accidents, broke for 10 years and even no love in life for the rest of my life if i ever leak out? HAVE? Thats fine, Im still friend w you till that very day. But whenever i need you, you're never near me at all for me. But Im always here for you, have you realised? Meeting up you late or cancel last min cos i really have something on, you'll scold me and complain non-stop and said i broke promises. But when you do this t me, have i ever said something more then this, * okay, nevermind. Next week or what lorz. * You go t your JC life and I quitted school halfway at ITE, you start t contact me lesser expect for borrowing money from me. And now, you've grad, got a job which is not really good, asked you not t but you turn deaf on me. But when i worked at nightclub, you commented on me, saying that i've changed and so. Then can you tell me what have i changed t ? Dont tell me drinking non-stop. I've been drinking since sec2. Y'should know. You said I go club and enjoyed myself w friends w/o you and never treated you as my friend. But please, y'know you can't drink. Nevermind, but, when i brought you t club, you complained that people touched you, etc.. I've already told you what's a club like, you said, * it's okay lah, touch only mah. Plus got guy ley, got fish t catch why not. * We went for club for less then 2hours you complain that you want t go. And you insist that i should leave w you cos is dangerous for me and made me abondon my friends who i asked them t go in the first place. Mind you, you're still a stupid pure girl when i started clubbing. Dangerous is for you i guess. Is just becos you dont wanto go home alone and wants me t send you home so you can saved money from cab. 2nd time you bug me t go club w you, same thing happened. WTF? If you dont want people t touch you then dont CLUB, go PUB instead or even KOPITIAM t drink. How t go drink w you when you can't even take a bottle of beer? Whats more of liquor for seriously less then 5cups? HOW YOU TELL ME! And called you that day t get back my money from you, you asked why and etc, and asked me must find job. Was talking bout shoppings, you even have t cheek t say, you got money t shop meh? You also jobless liao not like me. Dont tell me you're even richer then me horz, i got job ley. WHATTHEFUCK LIKE SERIOUSLY?! * ni hui bi wo you qian meh? * This sentence, is not in a joking manner, you and me know it. Thats why i choose not t acknowledge you as my friend. Okay, I've my reasons for money. Not becos i've no money t eat, shop etc.. Im sorry t say, i dont have t worry for cab fares and shoppings etc. Unlike YOU, who have t save up money for shoppings and even take bus and MRT when going out. You would only take cab when you're w me. REMEMBER NOT?! And go round borrowing money for useless things. Like shopping for the sake of it. Changing phone cos I've changed one. Mind you, I used t change my phone one every four months. You tried t do so but you know you can't. Im not trying t boost that im rich here. Im trying t recall your lousy memory. So trying t mock at me for being jobless and trying t take back the money you owe me? No, alright. I still have boss-es from pub(s), nightclub(s) etc, asking me over t their place w salary up till 2k. And compare t your lil 1.3k nett per month? Dont forget, i still have commision for every transaction from my hand and tips from customers. do you? NOPES! So before you want t laugh your fucking big ass off, recall all this before you do so. And you asked me not t go and said it's a messy place, yes i know, but im not new t all these places. But i know that your main point is t not wanting me t have such salary, right? Yes, you might laugh at me now, but only for now, not more then a month i guessed, but I can laugh at you for years already. Enough? There're still more t go, but im stopping here already. Therefore our friendship ends on that day of quarrel. I really have enough of you. Sorry t say this, my boyf is so much more loving then yours. Yeap, like you said, we shall see who's better and who last longer kay. I promise you this deal right here. And in additional, we shall and see who suffer more throughout the relationship. :) Wish you luck, babe. (:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, enough. And sorry for long naggy post. But i really BTH already! :( Though im really feeling sad, but i know this is the best way cos you're only making use of me, nothing else.
So i rather stop being stupid and be a fool for you t mock at anymore.

qing nan liaoooo

2010-08-02T14:50:00.004+08:00

Okay, I just said I saved money from cabbing here and there. But yesterday night, I spent $80.

SMLJ? I just went for one pasar malum nia sial! KNN! lol. Fuck myself like seriously.

And mum just called, say prepare t go for jiatok sooner or later liaoz. :( Means im going t grow fatter.

Cos i get t eat my fav shark's fin everyday, and i really mean every single day! nb. and then,

need t go kukup for jiatok plus go thailand idk where after that. But i guessed i'll skip kukup's trip.

Cos is seriously not fun there, is really effing hot in the noon and fucking cold in the night. :(

I know why I mood swing liaoz le! Cos I buey cheng! My stomach is going t cramp for tonight till wed. fml.

Nway, going life tonight and perhaps t neverland. :) And im not going over t the nightclub already.

I will be my dear's good girl. :) Nway, am going t bring my grandma t tie da soon liaoz.

Come home lepak watch 7pm show and off t enjoy. :D LOVESSS~

Not in a good mood

2010-07-31T23:01:00.002+08:00

I think im having a serious bad mood swing. And idk why either, so sorry my dear. Dint mean so.
Nway, I must really praise myself for today. I wento get money from papa and wento tiong t get stuffs.
MRT t pasir ris and t work, cos ong there lack of one person, whole till 9pm. Walked t bus-stop.
Bused t MRT and MRT t tiong barhu and WALKED HOME! I only cab t dad's place then t tiong.
I only spent $6 on cab today, can you imagine? I CANT BELIEVE MYSELF EITHER! :D
I must be a good girl and start saving money. :) * I hope I can really do so and not just for today. *
Have been giving attitude t my dearie, Im sorry kay. But I just dont know why and can't control.
Thats why I dabao big packet of prawn noodle for you and wanted you t cab over instead of taking MRT.
Alright, im tired alreadyyyyy. Shall go and relax and wait for stupidboy t come. :D

HAO MENG AH~

2010-07-30T17:31:00.002+08:00

At home now, rotting. :D Lost my motivation for blogging. Wei shen mo sial. :(

Another nightclub boss asked me t go over and work for him. Should I or not?

Leave your comments here cos i've got no tagboard, this is just like my tagboard. hahha.
http://www.formspring.me/shirleyloves27

Sorry for lousy pics, dint bring cam out! :(

2010-07-28T00:11:00.004+08:00

Blackout at Jiatok
At Huang Chao nightclub.

Dearboy, I LOVE YOU.

me and you, you and me

2010-07-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

I've been rotting @ home for whole day, I seriously dk which totebag t buy! :( Sibei sian ahhhh~

Nway, Wento Jiatok yesterday and while eating, whole place blackout for quite awhile..

Okay, I've got more and more Jiatok t go after today, and im going t enjoy my sharksfin soup! :D

So head t bugis and meet up w ong w my boyf. Went for pool at pool fusion1 then t nightclub. lol.

Had a jug and we got real bored like fuck. Head for steamboat aftermath. Cabbed home next.

Nothing much , i had a hard time putting on my fake lashes before going jiatok, guessed what!?

Nb, my right eye was done but left eye fail. so end up getting myself late meeting my mum and have

t remove my fake lashes on right and just brush mascara and rush out of my house. smlj. LOL

More than enough.

2010-07-26T00:44:00.002+08:00

Just had a plan of saving money.. And this plan between you and me turns out t be a great one. VERY!

Left after a quarrel.
You bus-ed home.
On the phone, peace, done.
Asked more then 3 times and got a answer, NOT COMING.
Reason - No bus transport, dont want waste money.
After less than 10mins, wanted t ask you come over even though taking mid-night cab.
Call you and you were on cab. Thinking that you might be coming over.
NO, going BURBERRY t drink w friends. ( Cab down-ing t chinatown )

What a great one. DONT WANT waste money on cab, so meet up tomo. In less than 10mins,
already in cab going down burberry. SIBEI GOOD ONE EH. Use our plan as excuse. GOOD.

Thumbsup, I lost, totally...

Iloveyou, cph.

2010-07-24T22:08:00.003+08:00

http://www.formspring.me/shirleyloves27

Im so tired now. My body system is like getting back t those normal school days already. Good or bad?

Nway, am thinking of signing up courses now. Thinking of getting the early childhood enrichment.

Should I ?

I've got no tagboard, so do comment at formspring. Nway, i cant differentiate between formsping's

questions and questions from you people, so if i dint reply, do send in again alright. :) sorry bout that.

Im currently rotting at home right now. Muahahahhahahah! Idk what t blog already.

Shall go off and nua at my beddyy~ :D

a big part of it.

2010-07-22T16:35:00.006+08:00

Because even if i try t avoid it temporally, it will still come back and hit me, harder.

Looked @ how much have I changed into, I nearly can't even recognise myself either.

( Im not talking bout appearance, but overall, character, thinking(s) etc. )

& I've told myself t change back, but be a better one.

surrender

2010-07-21T12:48:00.001+08:00

I guessed I really dont know how t blog already. I've lost motivation for blogging already.
Nway, went tiong yesterday t buy steamboat stuffs. I had a mood swing after NTUC.
Why the fuck is happening t me.?

i love you.

2010-07-14T11:07:00.004+08:00

you're never at fault.

2010-07-12T07:12:00.004+08:00

Here come your fucking nonsense again huh. Yah lah, you're never at fault one. It's forever me! :) I wonder why do i have t be like a maid who take care of a sicken pig for days like one idiot.Got waken up suddenly just t get you a cup of drink, take temp cos you complained xinku, feel very hot/cold for fuck sake. Have i even complain for all these? nnb, i've never done so lah, knn. Never in my whole life for fuck. Why did i even let myself suffer for that few days? COS IM STUPID. Got shouted infront of others becos ifg you have yet shake your bubble tea.Yah right, you know how t say it's just bubble tea and straw. Then why the fuck do you even shout at me for this small thing? Mai lai lah horz.Becos i said bye thats why you hang my phone? You're listening t me? Get the fact right that you are the one who asked me t hang for more then 3 times.WHO THE FUCK IS LISTENING T WHO? huh? You dint know you punch-ed me? You still looked at me and say, sorry and continue sleeping w your snoring. smlj? Dont trust say dont trust me lah horz, dont always lie say you trusted me.FUCKING BULLSHITZ. Becos i asked you dont contact me for today you said im messaging others guys lah ? Yah right lah. Go fucking hell check my bills for my messages lah. And see how i used my prepaid in the past. Im either messaging EUNICE OR ONGLING everyday.Knn, no more other friends already lah. How great t be accused of messaging w other guys.Yah, you said i'll be happier this way. Is just becos you dont trust me, thats all. Alright, go ahead and smoke all you want, dont step one you quitted okay. Think im stupid?Smoked a few puff when im not around, check my phone. Dont think im dumb. I've told you, i dont say doesnt mean that idk at all or you can treat me like a fool.So yeah, i'll smoke as much as i want, i'll get my cigg later on. I'll message guys like how you replied in my message okay, happy, Mr Chen Pinheng? You never understand how i've felt at all, always and always.Thinking that you're the only one giving in t me and im always the unreasonsable right?
Then from now on, i'll show you how unreasonable am I ACTUALLY, okay? :)
I'll message as many guys as possible, no worries, i'll topup my prepaid later on.
I'll just go and club happily cos you said as long as im happy jiu hao le.
I'll smoke as much as i like and die ASAP so nobody will quarrel w you.Happy enough?
Just like yesterday, after breakfast after a small joke, you ignore me and kept quiet all the way. Came up and you just wento sleep. What was the first thing you saw when you woke up? I was right beside hugging you t sleep. Not the first time, but have you ever realised? NO.

I cried at night when im hugging you, you asked me what happened. All i can say is, all these pain you gave doesnt just give me a night of crying, but almost every. Or have you ever heard of me complaining a single shitz? Becos why should I?

(:

2010-07-06T04:24:00.001+08:00

Roars, D is sleeping soundly w his loud snoring behind me. Plus he's having fever. :(
Nway, love this skin ttmz! thanks again t my hubby sohh! * MUACKS * Muahahah.
Msn-ing w her now cos she dont wanto sleep as she had a bad dream just now! lol.

imy

2010-07-04T07:07:00.002+08:00

i miss my boy so much now suddenly. Quarrels and quarrels, when is it going t come t an end? I really dont know. I just wish that you would be alil more understanding, can? You always know that you are suffering. So does this mean that you're the only one and im not?
Forget it, you'll never know.

CLUBB!

2010-07-04T06:38:00.003+08:00

Thanks so much t my beloved hubby for helping me on my blogskin again! :D
Plus saw her helping me t change URL which im damn fucking lazy t do so. lol.
Im now trying t edit the code but, failed! nnb. I guess i have t trouble her tomo. lol
Alright, had fun as well as some unhappy incidents, nothing much.
Have a sudden crave for club. Anyone wanna club? Just wanna chill out there.
Cos, i wanna go in w my own IC, nothing else. LOL! :D
Am tired already, but dont feel like sleeping. smlj like seriously. :(
Alright. Shall relax myself w some music floating around my ears. :)

rock your body!

2010-07-01T03:55:00.002+08:00

( i miss this gold colour-ed hair, i miss times @ icebar, espically crapping w my girl, venesse. )

Nway, am feeling abit of tired already. My poor boy is in camp and i've been staying at home all day.

I must be a good girl and save money from now, i know i always say only, but this time, i really should.

Becos im old enough already yet no savings, how shameful it is. I spend all i've got. And get money again.

No no, this is not the life i wanto have seriously. I wanto earn myself, and spend plus save.

Though im saying cos is free, but its really hard for me. knn. :(

Nway, am trying t plan for my dearie's bday now, idk if i should get chalet or hotel w spa package for him.

How? Yeap, im jobless right now but i'll earn money myself t plan everything for him.

And it's been like 4months since i've lost my N97mini, and guessed what? I have yet got myself a phone,

or rather i should say, i have yet change phone till now. D say i should change and not be like last time.

But, i seriously need t get another phone for myself, am thinking bout getting iphone, but ... i hate iphone.

So i really dont know what phone t but for myself right naoz! Idea please? Im back t blogging mood i guessed.

Shall go and do some shopping tomo cos its been a very long timeeeeee since i last did that.

And now, idk what t blog already. LOL. Called D but he never pick up his phone ley. :(

Either catching worm or sleeping neh? im so bored lah.! :( D, i miss youuuu! :D

believe-able?

2010-06-30T07:18:00.002+08:00

I wanna change skin, but idk what t change lah, nnb. Am fucking tired right now but cant get any sleep.

Many thoughts running through my mind right now and i just can't figure out why is it so.

Nway, went LIFE and drank 3towels w ongling yesterday. What a day actually.

Idk if 3towel was alil much or little, but all i know that that beer yesterday sucks ttmx. knn.

Wanted t open a martell actually but yet, dont feel like wasting money on these cos i have yet got job.

But, fucking hell me now feel like drinking, drinking season for me i guess? Had fun yesterday actually.

Cos i miss everyone of them. I got hugs from everyone of them when i reached and leave. How great! :D

My two fav's are leaving soon at Aug. Shall really meet up w them real soon w farewell lunch. :)

Miss those girls who played and joke-d w my at work, with them, working never appear as BORED.

Guess this is really life. People come and go. And idk when will be the next time i get t see them once they leave.

Perhaps when i go china for trip play i shall ring them up again? Hopefully i get t have this chance.

Life have been totally sucker t me. Cos i really dk if i should wait for the new work place or not.

Its like another 3 more weeks t grand opening. And now im suffering without money in pocket.

I cant get my gucci tote bag plus my chanel perfume and cosmetic. nnb. And then ,

i shall really start saving money for future use. I know i can never rely on family forever.

Cos they will leave me one day, idk when but im so afraid right naoz. Becos, upon hearing that my grandpa's

brother is going t die from his cancer w another few more days t live.. Everything stikes my mind.

I have yet visit him, shall do it tonight. Hope that all these wont come true, for now. Plusz,

my dear god-mummy is MIA-ing now from us. My info was either she've passed away or w bad illness.

Hopefully again, non of these come true. I just wanto get in contact w her now. But i cant.

So many unexplainable things that idk how t phase out in words neither i wish t keep in me.

What should i do?

why am i doing so?

2010-06-23T03:58:00.003+08:00

I should be heading t sleep and ignore you like how you did t me just now.

But why the hell am i waiting for time t reach and cook breakfast for you before you book in?
I wanted t go down and hug you tightly, but i guessed not.

Heartaches

2010-06-23T03:42:00.004+08:00

You're just like the sea, washing this heart away, slowly.

Just a phone call, your whole attitude changed. Are you trying t tell me that i should not pick up?
Pick up phone calls from guy friend? Is not any sweet talks call or whatsoever. Just pure talking(s).

And you have t react this way t me? By giving me a cold shoulder the whole night, again?

And doesnt give a shitz of what im doing the whole night when i thought you would help me.

But not only w a disappointed NO, you carried on playing w games and ignored me totally. How great.

So this is the way of how you treat me? Great then. Since you've changed t sucha good boyf of mine,

I shall not disappoint you either. I will do the way you've done t me as a repay.

I wont give in like how i did just now. I will keep quiet of every single thing. Never leak out a single

shitz that how you've treated me. But oneday, if i were t do so back t you. Means i've given up trying.

Give up trying t save this relationship t back like before. Becos, im not as strong as what you've thought.

*And once again, you broke this heart yourself.

a part of me will always be w you.

2010-06-22T15:33:00.002+08:00

Waiting for this stupid boy of mine t come and we shall find things t eat.

knn, have been real broke nowadays, i hate this feeling of no money. nnb. :(

Shall get a job real asap. plus my pay still have get till hand. Before i could get, my aunt is asking

me t borrow her $300 already. wtf. :(

Sigh!

2010-06-18T22:01:00.001+08:00

Sigh...

我怀念的...

2010-06-16T04:21:00.002+08:00

怀念,以前的你. 讨厌现在的你...
你真的会变回以前的陈品衡吗?
那个会无时无刻都会抖我开心的你, 还在吗?

我好怀念以前的我们.

Just random post. :)

2010-06-16T01:56:00.002+08:00

Im here t post for fun and nothing else. Currently @ hubby's house watching gao xiao xin dong. XD
And guessed what, we just had fun laughing at this particular blog. Like non-stop.
Her typing was way too cute and twit. :D But she look really " pretty ".
Alriightts, ii shall go andd watchhh teebee widd myee laogong nows.

Nights people. And my poor boy is in camp now. :D Muahahahaha! miss you! x3

More t come?

2010-06-14T02:18:00.004+08:00

Am sick of tired of all these shitz. By leaving my bag at road side and walk away.

At that moment, i went speechless, my mind went blank. And your wonderful question.

Perhaps, i should not hold on that tight anymore.

Perhaps, i should let you do whatever you want.

Perhaps, it's my wrong t stop you from smoking.

Perhaps, im just nothing compared t your cigg.

Or was it me who should not control your freedom t smoke.

Once, you threw away cigg and lighter infront of me and tell me he would quit.

Once, you promised t quit becos he doesnt want us t quarrel over cigg.

Once, you promised me so loudly he would stop smoking right after my bday.

Once, you promised t smoke lesser.

Once you promised only 5 a day.

But each time, you'll have a excuse t cover on your promises...

Everytime i asked you not t light your cigg, you just turn your ears on me and continue...

Have you ever know how was i feeling at that moment? No.. Infact, never.

So all was just empty promises... Nothing else... I gave you disappointments too.

Do you also wanto compare who disappoint who more as well?

I never spoke a single thing of what you've disappoint me before. Doesnt mean you dint.

Thanks for the cold attitude the whole night and as well as rejecting my concern t you.

Thanks for shouting and pushing me in the public. Im always the one in wrong, no i mean, forever.

Where is the CPH who will never throw his temper or shout at me?
Where is the CPH who will watch me sleep quitely at his lap for hours?
Where ... ... ... I dont wanto name anymore... Becos he's long gone...

But for today, thanks for breaking this heart of mine. THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

And just so you know, i myself also dont know how much have i teared for typing this whole post.

Yet you are sleeping soundly right behind me. Sleep tight then.

Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova!

2010-06-13T02:40:00.002+08:00

My stupiak boyf is in camp now, and im so so bored without him w me, showing off his smelly blanket. :(

And im going to sleep soon. D, wo hen xiang ni! x3. Today's a tiring day. Doing tua's thing almost whole day.

Tomo gonna meet up w my beloved ahlao again le. :D I NEED JOB, like a seriously! :(

Im really broke until ke yi de lorz. nahbeyy. Whats happening t me! :( ROARS.

Ahhhh, monday faster come, so can go on ship w my dearboy! :D

possible?

2010-06-10T13:21:00.002+08:00

Nway, idk what t post, so i just upload a picture t make this blog seems not that dead.

Have been blogging lesser and lesser cos im busy going t bbdc for theory and so.. Plus back t normal sleeping time.

Muahahahas, how i wished i can fly back t genting again pleaseeeeee. :( I miss my days there w D.

D is sleeping like a pig now at home. And im getting ready t bbdc for my FTE. hopefully will pass one time.

WO BU YAO FAIL please.. Am going t marina bay w D later. Out of job now = out of cash. nb.

Have been getting money from uncle and grandma, and feeling super guilty.
Needa get a job soon so i can pay them back lah. :( I HATE NOW, i hate being jobless, sttmz.

Ahhhh, gotto go liaoz, alarm is ringing, wish me luck people.! :D

life

2010-05-29T04:14:00.001+08:00

life's like these musical notes.. Once played.. You can't pretend that you dint hear wrong notes.

offically 18!

2010-05-28T07:36:00.002+08:00

Firstly, i must really really thank my hubby and bestie! Cos they really surprised me like OMG! Muahahahaha, was really laughing like a non-stop that day luhs. Super thanks! :D *MUACKS* Really, couldnt imagine how shocked am i that day luhs.. Seriously.! :D Most wonderful one i should say. x3

So head t dearie's house at jalan bahar. And as usual, i wento fed those mosquitoes over there. Rong, Jing, Gab was there already and started those BBQ things. :D Followed by, GS, Wisely, JonC, Bernice, Jerron, Boonming and i forgot who... Thanks t all. Kor came after that too. Thanks! And also, i dint expect so many people t remember my bday, was shocked by some of their messages. As usual, a lil disappointed t some who seems t really forgotten about it. But it's alright. It's nothing big for them t remember anyway, but i had a most memorable one tooo! :D

Nway, my poor boy is sick and i've been taking care of him for the whole night already. Got attitude from him and so, shall return him once he recovers. muahahah! Nway, gonna have dimsum later w my uncle as my bday present from him, like a every year. (: And then, im gonna enroll for driving! :D Wish me luck people. And now, im jobless. And im so lack of cash.. Wtf, can't get my pay yet. Going genting this coming tues. I need the money! :( Now, lucky enough, still have my ang bao money t tahan for awhile... Phewwww.. Sibei sian now, gonna pray later w mummy then meet uncle. But poor boy is sick, what am i supposed t do? Alamak. Very gao wei now. Shall go and bathe. Im a happy girl now! :D

* Thanks dearie for all the lil effort that you've put in for my bday. x3

FINALLY, im 18. I've been waiting for today like since 18years ago? I WANTO DRIVE!

1 more day..

2010-05-26T10:31:00.002+08:00

Just in less then 24hrs time, im turning into 18 already. Yet, i dont have any joyful feeling in me. wtf.

Things always go wrong at the right time. nnb. All stuffs are stressing me t the corner.. Im gonna be crazy soon.

And now, how i wished that that accident would just knock me till a coma mood, so i would be happier, seriously.

Im not gonna be having a happy birthday, job, money, quarrels, and so much more. It's more then enough.

If birthday wishes are true, then can you please turn back the time t the past? And stop at my school days?

That was the happiest time of mine ever in my life. At least, what im supposed t do was t study and pass my exams.

Nothing else t stress, money are like water, quarrels are not my friends, jobs are t kill time. nnb.

I want back this life, can i? What birthday wish, they are all bullshits. Cos they will never come true.

But just hope that tonight, those who i wished they will remember will wish me. I'll be happy enough.

And those who i wish that they will be at BBQ tonight will come too. Esp my TYD bros. But,

I'll also understand t those that cannot turn up.

Esp, marcus, rest well and get well soon!

suay

2010-05-25T02:24:00.002+08:00

was kind of sway that we actually met up w car accident w my tyd bros.. Hopefully that they will be fine.

Plus bday coming le. Not really into the mood of it.. nnb. I guessed i've recieved the most memorable present this year.

Hopefully kor will be fine for his sentence.. Sigh..

Plus also, thanks t dearie, he's been taking care of me for 2 - 3 solid days already... XIE XIE NI x3

i'll recover soon and we shall go genting together. (:

countless determination..

2010-05-22T10:07:00.005+08:00

Very bored at home. Like a stupid who took off the day before yesterday. Then ytd and today closed.

Like fooling me lorz. nnb. lol. Super bored like seriously. Met up w Alister, Joel, Ong and Alister's girlf.

Had thai steamboat for dinner, the food was really good! XD Not spicy of cos. muahahah =x

Another 5more days when i really turn into 18 already. I wonder who does remember my bday.. Perhaps nobody does.

And instead of saving money as how i planned. I spent my pay on chanel's perfume and cosmetic.

Muahahhaha, i want my full collection for chanel's cosmetic. So, i will work harder for them. =x

Having the mindset that it's my bday, so i shall pamper myself. But shitbrain. I shouldnt.

Waiting for my next pay and some money t come in before my pocket will be full again. :D

And then, i shall go and get my Gucci tote bag! :D Plus one more week t Genting trip! :D

At times, when i start t think back, i dont used t go after branded stuffs and so.. But now...

Why the more money i earned, the worst i am going t be? Im not sure either.. is this really life?

Maybe after getting full collection of Chanel's cosmetic and my gucci tote bag, i shall stop..

Why have i changed so much over these years? Glad t say that, i still have friends w are still w me.

I can see that who's true, who's not. Esp, Eunice & Nowell.

Hubby, Im really sorry that lots and lots of times, i got MIA-ing for no reasons. Plus, giving you tons of kites, ships and whatsoever.. Really dint mean so. Been held up by working stuffs that i can't get away. And can't contact you either. Really sorry about it. Plus also always be there for me when im so down. Always sending me those encouraging messages when im not happy and so. And thanks for not blaming me. xiexie, ni zui bang le!

Bestie, Just wanna tell you that what we've been through this 5-6 years road wasnt easy for you and me. Always and always, you're around me. All my tears and inside out, nothing escapes you. At my that very lowest point of time, i still got you. This friendship t me, worth more then anything else, you and me knows it best. Though we've not been really contacting as often as the past, but you must know, you're forever in my heart. Now, we both had grad. from sec. school. We aint having time t spend like before, you're in poly and im working. Everything changed like sibei alot. But the only thing that doesnt change will be our most valuable friendship, right?

Maybe becos im gonna be older by this thursday, many things start t strike in my mind now. ha.

Each time i told myself, past is past, i cant turn back the time no matter how i wished. So let everything of this be my most wonderful happy 18th bday present for myself. Becos, this is something that i can never buy no matter how rich i can get till. I really miss every single one that i know or knew. Every single one of them. Even though some of us may not talk t each other after quarrels or fights. When friend become enemy, you guys are still inside my heart, forever. I must work hard in my job, i want my dream t come true. Even though i dont have high qualification, but im sure this road that i've chosen, i will never ever regret again. I'll make sure that this path that i've chosen, will have a wonderful outcome.

To SN, i doubt he'll ever see this or even come into my blog. You're the one who changed me in my life. You're the greatest impact in my life. You made me know that being stubborn or hot-tempered wont lead me t anywhere in life. You teached me how t become a independent girl. How t handle things in a more proper way, instead of throwing temper and being so ren xing. And till the day we stopped talking t each other, i then realised that i have t wake up from all these childish act. I've learned alot since then. If you dint appear in my life, idk how would i be now. It's you who changed me in my life. Thanks. If not, i might still be a childish and immature girlf still. Wish you luck in your studies and your everything in life.(:

To BW, idk if you'd be reading it or not, but thanks for being there when im down. You made me learn alot too. Ha, bet you're studying well now. Headache over maths or so? Must do well. Dont let your mum and dad down. Thanks for bring me t many places which i've been lazy t go and never go before de. Hopefully everything will go smoothly for you in life. And dont smoke le! :D

To LAL, We're like friends always even though we're in a rs. Hahahah. You ah... Better change and not like before le horz... Its really funny that we actually know each other becos of audi lorz. ha. Study hard kay. :)

To SH, All i can say is sorry. I've never been a good girlf at all. And always not listening t you. I know ni shi wei le wo hao... And i always lock my ears from you.. Ha. Work hard lah. Stop drink drunk mao le! :D And happy bday in advance! :D

And lastly; my dearest cph. I know we both had changed alot since last year till now. I've always been throwing temper at you everynow and then. And whenever im getting stress at work, you're always my punching bag. Though we have been quarrelling like can be a everyday meal, but it wont drift us apart, rightz? Even though, just a moment ago, we had another small tiff. Dui bu qi. Im just really tired. No other meaning. I thought you can book out but never. Plus im waiting and tired liaoz. You've always been a very good boyf of mine. Really. And i promised, i will stop playing and fooling around le. Though this kind of job that im holding, i need you t trust me even more then other kind of boyf that trust their girlf. Hao mah? And dont get the wrong idea of those above. Just wished t say out whatever it's in my heart. And like i promised you, i'll remove that dead knot in my heart, and you'll be here t remove w me too, right? :) And we shall last. GOODNIGHT, my bed is calling for me. Here's your goodnight message. So i no need send le. And becos im busy w this post thats why so busy! :D

A very long post today, many things that i wished t say, cleared! So, i shall be a real happy girl again from now! :D Sorry for so much of ranting! WAN AN!

sick and tired

2010-05-20T07:25:00.002+08:00

Always and always it's me. So be it. Im like forever in wrong and forever, i can handle any blow.

Be it quarrels and so, i really had enough and really sick and tired of everything.
Your that sentence, dont have t hide the meaning behind that 5 words.
To you and everyone, im always cheerful and happy. I can smile or laugh non-stop like a mad.

But who will ever knows that all these are just blinded by the mask that cover every single sadness?

It's alright, be it im sad or tearing not, you'll still think that im happily flirting around w guys.

Then just treat me as a slut, bitch, fucker, idot, flirt or whatsoever you can name...

I had enough of quarrels w you. Really enough.

Even if i've made the effort t message you, you got angry and said that i should've called you...

And if i dint, you would say that i dont even bother t message you at all. So..

Whatever that i've done, is never enough for you then. So whats the point?

I went home early today just becos i thought that i could chat w you on the phone...

And becos i dint recieve your reply, i thought you'd be busy in camp or whatever.

As dont think you would finish that early, so i went t have supper w my friend, is that wrong too?

And like this, i got attitude again. wtf? So im in wrong t have supper w friend?

Yah, ps... no, i dint went for supper. I went out w guys and fool around alright.

Think whatever you want then, dont believe me, then dont. I wont force you either.

Afterall, im even better then a machine, i can take in whatever blow and will never break down.

Cos at the v least, machine would break down, but i wont.

I will forever be waiting for all these shitz and still can smile happily t you and everybody.

Thank god for giving me this lil mask since idk when too.

If you really love hanging up my phone so much, dont bother t call me then..

如果你想过去一样的我

2010-05-16T08:04:00.003+08:00

( I miss those past time where i can still be childish and stubborn for everything.)

Thinking back, I've really changed alot from 2007 till now. Really alot alot.. Now, working means so much.

I really dont know why too. How i wished that I can be back t that past lil girl. Who can just take money

from my dad every now and then. Nothing for me t worry, dont have t bother bout anything around me.

Why is it that, all those stressful stuffs keeps haunting me day and night. Reminding me all those stuffs.

FML like seriously. I hate now! REALLY HATE EVERYTHING NOW.

Just wished that 1st June will arrive soon so i will go overseas and relax myself.

MISSCPH

turning ahead

2010-05-15T05:12:00.002+08:00

Hao men ah! waiting for my dearie t come and pei wo! :D

I think im like a stupid t ask him go home first cos i was having steamboat w friends...

Then when i reached home, he also just reach home. nnb. lol. :(

So he's bathing, i think he's on his way already. So i shall go and bath now tooooo!

CIAOS~ I LOVE MY CPH! :D

always the same old thing.

2010-05-11T09:09:00.002+08:00

Work was alright.. Shifting soon already. Hopefully can gain the experience that i want and need.

So that i can open my own shop at the age of 21 or 22. (: Hopefully lorz....

Super bored, had quarrel w my dear, again. Like a everyday without fail. smlj? :(

I really dont wanto quarrel, but i also really never pek chek lorz. Maybe my tone is not good.

Partly becos i drank thats why my voice changed. Sorry. But, i think we need t cool down first.

And I already asked you along or said meet you 4plus... Is you ownself say nevermind...

And yet, my fault again? Im trying my best t manage my time for work and you.

I've already got no time for my friends already, am i still not good enough??

Of cos i have t work, for the sake of money and also building up my responsibility...

We'll both grow up and both will have t go out and work and so.. We can't be possible t stick 24/7.

I know what should i do and what should i not do, can you please really trust me, for god-sake?

Then do you think i really wants t quarrel w you like this every single day? huh?

I also really dont know what you want le... Not i dont want t say, is i really dont know how.

Plus i dont like saying out. Why should i say out when at times, keeping quiet will be better?

Sighhh...

回忆过去, 痛苦的相思忘不了

2010-05-07T10:45:00.003+08:00

回忆过去, 痛苦的相思忘不了...

In love w Xin bu liao qing recently... idk why either... Ahhhh, finally off today again. :)
Becos is the 2nd month anniversary w my belove boy le. Though still alil of quarrel before i end work.

This one whole week, eat, work and sleep.. Everyday! Like a no life only lorz. nb. But!
I love this job, so i dont mind doing so, just that having lesser t meet dear, cos he 8-5 le... everyday!

Work is really happy for me... And also getting along well w those singers there. :D

no. 28 going back soon le. Sighhhh! 26, which is before my bday. But she'll leave after my bday.

18th bday coming soon le.. Hopefully will have the most memorable one. Esp w LIFE people! :D

And really, i no need t always say i FORGOT t bring IC t those bouncers! *^*BleahSss! *^*

Social house is getting boring t me already, but only they wont be checking my ic lah. :( Siannn!

Nway, have not been going t tua for 2 - 3 weeks time already. Will go next week. I miss them!

Nway, been drinking like every single day w/o fail lah.. But also thinking t stop this job asap.

Drinking like this everyday makes me really scared of beer or liquor more and more... :(

Of cos, wont get myself drunk like that night anymore... Promised everyone already.. :D

Cos i will be a strong girl, & cos im getting older on this coming 27may! :D HORZ! :D

Alright, shall go and nap, before going out t enjoy w my dearie!

Happy 2nd month, my dear! LOVEYOU x3

wtf

2010-04-30T14:06:00.001+08:00

KNNBPCB MOOD!

nobody knows

2010-04-24T11:42:00.003+08:00

Sorry t my dearest boy, i dint mean t lose the ring that you bought for our anniversary.

Fuck myself for drinking so much that day till i dint even realised it at all. knnb me. fms.

It's been one week since i last blogged, cos im really tired after work every single day. knn.

So many things happened between this whole one week which i've really got no mood at all.

Have t pretend that eveything is fine and alright. wtf is this, is this the real shirley?

Perhaps im right, nobody can tolerate this kind of fucking attitude. Who can like seriously? LOL!

Hates everything now, really wished t be just alone, t sort out every single thing properly. wtf.

I dint mean t say out those words that day, really dont. But why do i have t get check like this?

Still having the mindset that im cheating on you or have yet change? Don say you trust then.

Saying that you really trust me and yet checking on my phone when im not aware?

And yet thought that i really dont know that you've been doing so for some time already?

Dear, it's not so, dont treat me as stupid, can? I dont say doesnt mean idk anything..

Yes, you're my boyf, does that means that i can't have own privacy? Everyone needs it..

I really hate people checking on my phone. Not im hiding anything, at least, ask can?

Did you clean forgotten about ongling's incident? She's my friend for 6years, yet i can get so angry.

Doesnt mean you dont mind me checking means you can do so on me. & i dont even do that.

Becos i fully have trust in you, and why should i check on your phone?

And i can swear that i've never check on you, any single thing, it's not i dont care, cos i believe.

Right? Sigh, it's been 3-4 days that we've been quarrelling already.

Always and always, quarrel bout my work. It's really hard for me t like my own work.

I need your understanding, and it's more then others situation. Cos i really like this job.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's really hard t get back like before, i wanted t go back t those time very much too, not only you.

Why is it everything's changing so fast? I can't accept the fact that we both changed so much.

But yet, we cant force things t change back like before, but i'll try t save back this..

At least no more quarrels like every single day.

Loveyou, my dearest boy.

Like a finally another off day today t spend w my boy, and im going t enjoy for sure w you!

lovely

2010-04-18T03:49:00.002+08:00

Spent my whole off day w my beloved heng. :D

Love today. x3

i have no time for others

2010-04-11T07:58:00.003+08:00

Night at ice bar yesterday and today. Kind of fun. Hang on t new games at the machines. wtf me. lol.

later going saomu, i wonder if i can tahan till 11am or take a nap which i think i will wake up at night.?

So i really dont know, maybe wait till i fell asleep and then i'll skip it for today and go myself another day?

muahaha, bad, i know. And knnbccb, i lost my N97mini at when i cabbed t icebar yesterday night.

and worst is, i dint know till i was otw home in cab? and today went down like nothing happened.

lol. and all was asking, why am i still smiling when i lost my phone like just so yesterday only.

thanks t those that helped me t find my phone and so. (:

Pool was on track today, but still as lousy, not that good as before already. :( fuckit. i hate this!

Imma gonna quit this job soon already i think. ROARS, idk how lah... shitbrainasshole.

im craving for laksa soup now badly. :'( seriously dk why too lorz. I miss the steamboat~

it's been a long long time since i last drank beer or liquor... kind of missing them already(:

Plus birthday coming, im like so offically 18YO this year. So, i can legally go CLUB...

But not afraid of any idiots who wants t check on my ic and so. :D HURAYYY~

Yeap, alot had told me, they gotta get me drunk when they help me t celebrate my birthday.(:

And on th other hand, i miss those pass celebration w them. Sigh. It's been Years...

And also, if they still remember my bday or who still does after so many things happened?

I guessed, in everyone's mind, is only hatred and quarrels, not those happy moments anymore.

This is life, way too hard t let humans t accept and they just change too fast. Just a wink.

Had stepped into this working society for quit some time, left school for already a year plus...

Though it's just a year plus, but it changes me alot alot. I really do miss school so much now. Really.

I miss those scoldings from teaches, being awaken by those noisy teachers.. Really, those times..

I can never turn back the time again. Though people always say we deserve another chance..

But life only gives us ONE AND ONLY chance. Cos, we can only keep it going, we cant pause.

we cant rewind, we cant fastforward and stop t retake everything that we've been through...

You can't amend your mistakes, you cant amend your regrets. Only you can stop thinking.

In my whole life, I guessed I only have one regret. Which is not able t amend SN*R anymore.

The only person which really changed my whole life upside down. Changed me the most, i supposed.

And worst still, we aint even friends now, i guess so. I cant rewind t treat him better or treasure again.

And now, i know he's leading a better life then before, im happy for him, really.

That regret of mine, somone will amend the hole of him, insdie. (:

& it's time for me t put this regret down aside and do what i have right now.

Afterall, it's been afew years, but who knows he's all along the one living in me t keep me going?

Everyday, i played hard, i fool around hard, just t show everyone im happy plus i've moved on.

But everynight, before i go t my lalaland, he'll sure appear in my mind and those memories.?

This had been going on for 944days since the game ends. till now, it's been 101 days since..

Since i've slowly t stop counting and till now, i've stopped counting everynight..

I dont want a second time of this t happen again t me, cos i wont be able t take this blow again.

Becos i cant return or regret again, i have t really treasure everything now, w my dear.

It's really time t change back t oldself already. This should be worth my doings... (:

Everything now is a new chapter, another new start w fresh memories... (:

2010-04-08T06:37:00.002+08:00

眼泪笑了

It hurts more than my imagination

You’re really not coming back

I command my tears not to keep on falling uncontrollably

The memories that don’t go following you

All squeeze in my heart

I have this responsibility to let them worth cherished for

Thank you for making me experience sadness

Thank you, I don’t really think much about it

When it is time for love to start looking around

My tears all has laughed

Who is that someone who still wants to cry anyway?

I’m standing again bravely

Searching back for light and warmth

When I am in front of you

I can’t be forbearing

Because you’re just someone who’s here for a while

Because the road that’s winding

Is the one that leads to beauty

The broken heart has changed to desert

Then just start digging an oasis immediately

I don’t have time to lose my mind

Your gentle hands

Don’t belong to me since the beginning

Also there’s no need to care who they will belong to next

Thank you for making me experience sadness

Thank you, I don’t really think much about it

When it is time for love to start looking around

My tears all has laughed

Who is that someone who still wants to cry anyway?

The time is not enough to make it perfect

Just sing a farewell song

When I think of you

I am no longer down and low

Instead, I don’t have any regrets

Because I have loved you deeply.

Super nice song, w the english lyrics, it's a chinese song anyway, but im so addicted t it lah!

Fell sick since tues till now, am working tomo again, if still having high fever, i guessed, i'd be getting mc.

So tired now. I hate those quarrels everyday, seriously every single day.

Non stop becos of the same old thing. Luckily, it's getting better now... (:

And, im using my everything t cherish and treasure everything that im enjoying now. (:

without turning back and look at those old times, the old shirley.

repeating everything

2010-03-31T08:54:00.006+08:00

I know that this time round, im really not going t look back anymore.. Each steps that im taking, makes me grow stronger each time. I dont deny that i still do miss those old times back... Especially when im at sec2 to 3. My best times ever in my whole 18 years of life.. Seriously, am rewinding back all those past times again now, i just can't get myself into sleep cos i really do miss my D now. :( Remembering those times w you and those memories that we've created.. Every single little things that we've did and those quarrels that we've got everyday after.. Till the lowest point of my life ever.. That was the only one. Really the only fall that i fell in my whole life ever. I dint know that i was really so a spoilt brad at that time. Yet i still thought that i should really deserved such good treatment from you. wtf like it is seriously.. Till then, i tried changing and getting you out of my mind and life, i always thought that i'll succeed, but never. That 1year3months was that longest that i ever had.. And also changed me alot since then. Becos i realised and woke up from there. I really dont know why i dint tear and you appeared in my mind once that word was spoken out. My karma came already for this, i paid for what i've did in the past t you. And from there, im no longer a school girl, shirley, anymore ever. I stepped into this cruel society. And started fooling w people and thats when i told myself, i MUST NOT fall again in my life becos of anyone anymore. With every steps i took out, i remind myself every now and then. Till the 4th, i thought it's time t stop playing, but yet, everything hasn't come t an end for me yet. I know i still can't settle down at all. Im sorry too. My whole mind was, if i dont play now, how long more do i have t waste? I find nobody is true t you at all in this society. I find it hard t trust anyone outside, i mean for love life. Im happy that i went back t my TYD after my 2nd. All my brothers and sisters are always here for me. Especially kor. (: sorry for being so immature in the past, when i just went in. I thought i would never settle down so soon or so, perhaps play/fool till im 21 or so.. But life is always unpredictable. I met my dear at icebar. MY mindset at first was t play too. Till all those things he did even though i did told him how was i like, and all those nasty things that i've done t him.. I saw everything w my eyes i should say. After the 1st till now, i can really say, this is the 2nd time, i will be like this, and also the last. I really stopped all those foolings and so becos of this. Really. I've really really grow up from everything that happened in my life and so. If, this were t fail again, i swear, i will never get serious again, i'll resume my plan previously like i said and make everything t become, TBC... Though im holding t a job like this, working at karaoke night club now, w alil objections from D, but i promised i wont be like the past. Work is work, maybe i'll be a lil different from work and after.. But all along in my heart, you're never forgotten. I promised myself i'll never do anything sorry t you and this relationship. All i need is just trust and faith. I dont want t be like the past, that lil girl that only knows how t take money from her dad. And go shopping and then call him for money, again and again. I wanto open my dream shop w my own ability. I want t enjoy what i've earned for myself. So i'll feel accomplished instead of being like a useless idiot idle-ing around all day. Even if plan were t fail, at least, i worked hard for it by myself. W my both hands that have been useless for 18years. I dont want! After this year, we'll carry on w the plans w made, i promise, i will quit nightlife job and resume back t normal daily life t match w yours. I need time t adapt. I never really listen t anyone, but i will for now. Hopefully, this beautiful dream w go on and please dont stop. Cos i really love everything now that im having. I love my job now, i love my family even though at times, granny is naggy. I love all my friends cos they are always around me. And lastly, a boyf that is really caring and doting me everyday. Even though he's in camp, but yet, he's like always w me still. (: The only regret im having, was being strangers w you. Just like, how we walked past each other w/o saying a hi. Why do we have t be like a stranger when we actually KNOW each other? Or is it really becos, it has become past tense? From know t a knew? Sighh.. So, this is life?

Shirley, you've t really grow up! Becos, nobody stays w you forever. This first goodbye that you recieved, or should i put it that, i've faced alot of this goodbye, so i should not dwell on it cos i should have got used t it long ago? Just like icebar, i miss that place so much now when im working here... But, move on then.

* PS for this long ranting post.

070310~

2010-03-29T07:45:00.003+08:00

Onlydearestboy! x3

Starting the new job in like 12hours time and i just can't get myself into sleep..

In deep thoughts today and thinking back of everything that i've been through... Now, everything seems perfect again. But how long is this going t last.? And here i am, need t be afraid that how long more is this situation going t last. Sigh. :( Perhaps, i shouldnt think so much, i should enjoy what im having.. But yet again.. I've got a very good boyf that is doting me every single day, I've got a new job w good pay, plus working w Alister. No quarrels w my family as well. Everything is just perfect, and no more past memories haunting me. Friends are always by my side.. Yet, all these that appeared now are just too good t me for now already. Hopefully all these will last real long for me. (:

Went icebar the day before and met up w ong cos went interview w alister. and really got no place t go at 10plus. So weichao, boris, guishan, ben, jonc and i forgot who is still there.. Girl went w her friends.. Had fun playing pool, it's been real long since i last played lah! :( muahahha! Won ben 2 times! Won kam as well. Muahahah! XD i wanna improve more! shitbrain.. So slacked outside icebar when it's closed. Nearly got into a fight that night. Not meeee~! but the guys. Wahpiang. That sence was damm , i-d-k-h-o-w-t-e-x-p-l-a-i-n. =x So home after that. Nway, got tricked t Linjing's house yesterday lorz. Played Monopoly instead of majong lah! IDIOT! but still, we played alil. But had real lots of fun playing monopoly.. Muahahaha! w rong, jing and dearie. (: And a lil mistake that you've made, have t drink a sip of vodka mango w 100+ which tasted really sucky lorz! lol. I wanna meet up w bestieee~ It's been real long since we've met up for our girl's talk! plus hubby also! ROARSSS~ And i wanna change blogskin as well~ Dang, 24hours is seriously not enough for me at all.! FML!

get lost in your palm

2010-03-25T04:34:00.002+08:00

Slept real long today and dint managed t go bugis and even tua. fuckit. nb!

Met up w alister after that and went CSC after dabao-ing food for them. (:

Sang and crapped like idiots inside for real god sake. muahahahah!

waiting for my mushroom soup t be ready! YAY-nessssss~